How Did I End Up Here Again?
by CuriousTooMuch
Summary: When you sister thinks a prankster is the man of her dreams, strange things are bound to happen. Getting kidnapped into a blind date isn't on Bella's radar, however. What takes place next is a battle of wills with a healthy dose of romance and hormones thrown in. After all, it is common knowledge that Christmas can turn the freakiest circumstance into a miracle. One-Shot.


**Summary:** When Bella and Edward refuse a blind-date set-up from their wild siblings, the two find themselves kidnapped and literally thrown together, in the back of a van full of stolen goods. What takes place next is something which neither expected...

**Author's Note:**

Dear Reader, I'm very glad to see you've clicked on this story to read. I hope it meets your expectations. This was written for a writing competition of twillandbonnie's Twilight forum.

With that being said, I hope you'll enjoy your venture into this one-shot with me as your somewhat sane guide.

Av

* * *

**Disclaimer: The Twilight universe is most definitely the brainchild of Stephanie Meyer. I'm just having fun.**

* * *

Isabella Swan or Bella as she preferred to be called, flipped open her buzzing cell phone. _My sister._

She groaned. "Merry Christmas," Bella said cheerfully, even including a fake smile. Bogus _holiday spirit equals get off phone, hop in car and crawl in bed until New Year's all that much sooner._ Her curly toed shoes jingled along with the jingle she clamped the phone on to her ear and walked out of the main entrance of the mall. Looking both ways, she headed for her car in the outfield of the parking lot.

"Happy holiday, sis."

_For you maybe._ Her sister Alice wasn't unemployed. Well, she was, but she hadn't been forced by their father to take a seasonal job dressing up like Mrs. Claus, wearing a costume one size too small and smiling at mall brats while feigning total devotion to an old fat guy who had crumbs in his beard and smelled of cough medicine.

"The answer is no," Bella said.

"No what?" Alice said. "I haven't even asked you anything. I'm simply calling to wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy New—"

"The answer is still no." Bella spotted her car across the lot as dusk descended. A chill seeped into the fabric of her surprisingly thin work costume, settling on her skin. She smelled snow in the air. _Should have worn a coat._

"Stop it," her sister said, complete with a hand wave Bella could see in her mind's eye.

"You can't borrow my car, my clothes, or any money," Bella listed. What _am I forgetting?_ "My couch is off limits. I do not want to pose naked in Playboy with you in their sisters pictorial. I cut up my credit card, closed my bank account and haven't gotten my paycheck yet, so don't ask."

"I don't want anything… except…"

_Here it comes._ "…to see you for Christmas," Alice finished.

_And pick my pockets, borrow my jewelry, pawn my electronics or all of the above._ "No."

Alice giggled. "I'd love for you to meet my new boyfriend, Jasper."

"No."

"Jasper's family," she added.

"No."

"Jasper's brother in particular."

"No." Bella reached her car, jamming the key in the lock. Once it was unlocked, she leaned against the car to finish telling her sister not only no, but hell no. The last time her sister set her up with a blind date, it had gone too horribly to even mention.

"You two are perfect for each other," Alice sang.

_Says you._ "No."

"Jasper's mom is heating up a Honey Baked Ham for Christmas Eve dinner," she said, playing on Bella's weakness for sugarcoated meat. Jasper's mother sounded like a woman after Bella's own heart. Throw a marshmallow on it or in it and call it a dinner and dessert combo.

Bella hesitated only for a second. "No." Jasper was undoubtedly a football-watching, beer-belching crotch scratcher. Chances were good the brother was too. _No thanks._ And somehow, some way, the entire ordeal would end up costing Bella in either money, which she had little of, or sanity, which she was running short of as well.

"Are you sure?" Alice giggled. "Last chance to come along peacefully."

"I'm sure." So sure that Bella hung up on her sister. Since learning to speak at the age of two, Alice would not, could not take no for an answer. Turning one's phone off was the only solution. So Bella did, tossing it onto the passenger seat of her car.

A van came from nowhere, screeching to a stop in the parking space next to hers. Bella stepped forward and opened her mouth to give the driver a piece of her mind. Last-minute Christmas shopping was no excuse for poor parking etiquette. Before she could voice her protest, the side door of the van slid open. A midget jumped out and zip tied her hands in front of her. Bella squeaked a protest, struggling against the ties. The little person stepped aside and someone shoved Bella from behind into the van.

Bella landed on a soft-but-solid lump. She struggled against the restraints and the bile rising in her throat. She rocked against the lump, which breathed warmth against her neck in the otherwise cold van.

"Hey! What's the deal?" She kicked her foot against the hard barrier between her and the cab of the van as they motored off. The joyful jingle of her shoes negated the fury of her actions.

"Don't waste your breath," the lump said. "I've been protesting for twenty minutes."

Bella squirmed away from the baritone voice and his warmth. Why, she wasn't sure. Seemed they were in the same boat, so to speak.

"Careful," he said when she butted up against a stack of boxes.

"Who are you?" She rolled into him as the van made a sharp turn. His breath smelled of peppermint. His voice dripped of syrupy calm despite the dire circumstances. "What is going on?"

"I'm Edward" He hooked his finger around hers in a how-do-you-do-nice-to-meet-you finger shake. "I think we're being held against our will."

"The hell we are." Bella began gnawing at her restraints.

* * *

If you're going to be kidnapped for Christmas, might as well be held in a confined space with a hot elf. He'd had worse holidays. "Please stop it. You'll break a tooth." _Thereby lowering your hot ratio._

"You're right." She threw her leg over his thighs, straddling his lap, and began pulling at the zip ties binding his wrists.

All Edward felt—besides her scraping a couple layers of his epidermis off—was her warm center rocking back and forth over his lap with the movement of the van. And let's just say there were a lot of potholes. "I feel like I should buy you dinner first," he muttered.

"What?" She bent down and licked at his wrists, for lubrication, he guessed. Or she was a really weird—but not altogether unpleasant—Christmas gift. _Thank you, Secret Santa._

"Nothing worth repeating." More licking on and around his wrists, which he found oddly arousing. "What's your name?" Seemed like a reasonable and appropriate inquiry under the circumstances. After all, she was licking him.

She stopped lapping at his wrists long enough to reply, "Bella."

_Ah ha._ "Well, Bella, my wrists are going to swell," he cleared his throat, "from the friction if you don't stop it." He could feel the beginnings of an erection from the connection with her body as she fruitlessly tried to squeeze the zip ties over his thoroughly licked hands.

"You're right." She leaned back, grinding her warm crotch against his hard-on, really putting her back into her pulling effots. "We better hurry before that happens."

"I'll give you ten minutes to stop that." He inhaled the scent apples from her dark hair draped over his face. The fluffy white ball dangling from her Santa hat kept swinging like a pendulum, sometimes hitting him in and around his face and head.

"Stop what?"

"Rubbing. Friction. Subsequent swelling," he reminded her. Not so much in his wrists anymore.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"You tell me," Edward replied. "Someone's idea of a holiday joke? Mistaken identity? Strange fraternity prank?"

The van banked right. Bella clamped her thighs tighter around Edward, hunkering down low towards their combined center of gravity.

"Hey! Watch it up there!" he shouted at the driver. Probably his cousin Jacob. He'd flunked driver's education. Could there be two people who naturally smelled of wet dog? Regrettably, he hadn't gotten a good look at his abductors.

She gathered up his shirt in her fists. "Where do you think they're taking us?"

He shrugged. He was behind on some bills, but again, being held against your will felt like an overreaction to debt. The situation reeked of family. His family.

"Why?"

_For Christmas Eve dinner, of course._ He sort of hoped for the mistaken-identity theory to pan out. Edward shook his head, sticking to his plan A—cluelessness. How could he explain without coming off as complicit or crazy?

"Do you think they're going to kill us?" Her warm breath blew on his face.

"I suppose this could be our last day on earth," he said, ready to embrace living today like the last day of his life. "Any regrets, last wishes, final requests?" _Like sex?_

"Too many." Her voice carried an edge of sadness. She slid down between him and a stack of stolen DVD players they had probably been selling out of the back of the van before abducting him and Bella for a shotgun blind date. If he'd known then what he knew now, that she was everything they'd said she was and more, he might not have refused.

He inhaled her fresh, clean, fruity scent. "Tell me about it."

Her head rested on his shoulder. "I wanted to be a nurse."

"Really?"

"It was my dream from childhood." She shivered. Edward inviting her to crawl into the circle of his embrace. "I should have been a better student."

"That's all in the past." He ran his lips along her temple. "If you had only minutes to live, what would you want more than anything else on earth?"

She raised her head off his shoulder. "I'd want a kiss to die for."

_Good answer. _

Their lips converged. Edward pulled her close, holding her tight, his lips tightly against hers. They parted and joined over and over again, reinventing the kiss at various angles, different pressures and a range of intensities.

Suddenly, the van door slid open.

* * *

Bella's sister Alice jumped up and down on the other side of the open doorway of the van, clapping her hands. "I knew you two were perfect for each other." Jasper, the boyfriend—Bella was guessing, but the tattoo of Alice's face on his bicep was a strong hint—stood next to her in the freezing cold in nothing but jeans and a thin button-down. His arms were crossed over his incredibly stellar chest. Alice thumped him in the skull. "Didn't I tell you?"

"You sure did, sweetheart." He planted a sloppy, wet kiss on her that led to inappropriate groping and fondling. The kind better left behind closed doors.

Bella hadn't even noticed the van come to a stop because of her own make-out session. She assessed her last-chance-for-a-to-die-for-kiss facilitator, also known as Edward—the brother. "You must be the brother I've heard so much about."

"I…uh…yeah…but…it's not what you think."

"Shut up," she snapped.

"Let me explain," he begged.

"Shut up!"

Suddenly a booming voice was heard from the door as a muscular man came within view, "Merry Christmas, baby brother." The man bear hugged Edward, lifting him up in the air. He then tackled Edward to the lawn, physically assaulting him while everyone else laughed and cheered him on.

Bella shuffled over on numb legs and clobbered the huge hunk with her balled-up fists, but it failed to faze him. "Stop it!"

"Emmett," a beautiful girl, who had appeared when Bella was not looking said. "Emmett. Emmett!"

Emmett stopped roughhousing for a second as Edward spit grass out of his mouth. "Yeah, babe?"

"You're upsetting Bella. She doesn't know you're playing."

"Playing?" Edward squeaked. "I think he dislocated my shoulder." He coughed up some grass clippings.

"Pussy," Emmett taunted him before getting up and giving Bella a huge grin, "The name's Emmett, beautiful."

"You kids stop goofing around and get on in here," a woman, probably their mother, yelled from the front door of the ranch-style house that was lit up like an airport runway in blinking shades of red, blue and gold.

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper said before wrapping an arm around Alice and walking inside the house.

Emmett too gave them a last grin before disappearing with the beautiful girl, leaving only Edward and her in the snow. She slowly turned to him, her temper flaming. He'd obviously known where they were going. Instead of telling her the truth and setting her mind at ease, he tried to take advantage of her. She almost let him.

"Dammit," Edward said between gritted teeth as he stood up and tried to rub his injuries with his bound hands. "Sorry about this, Bella."

"You knew."

He brushed some dirt from his face. "I didn't know. I suspected. There's a difference."

She shoved him, hard, to the ground again, then marched toward the house after her sister, jingling all the way. Once she was freed from this holiday nightmare, Holly could finagle a ride out of suburbia and be in bed by nine. Might have time for a nice little turkey TV dinner and a glass of cheap wine before bed.

The house smelled of sweet ham and pumpkin pie. Her stomach growled. The fast food off the dollar menu at the food court wasn't cutting it. Bella was starving. But dinner with her sister always cost Bella one way or the other.

"Isn't he dreamy?" Alice asked with breathy yearning.

"He's a jerk." Bella thrust her hands out. "Untie me."

Alice cocked her head to one side. "My Jazzy?"

"Who? Jasper? No. His brother. Edward." Although she was sure they both came from a long line of jerks. She shook her hands. "Untie me."

Alice's bottom lip popped out. "Are you going to leave?"

_Yes._ "No. Of course not."

Squaring her shoulders, Alice said, "I don't believe you."

Edward had finally propped himself up the ground and followed her in, but she ignored him. He wrenched a kitchen drawer open, rummaging through it with wild abandon. Under different circumstances, he would look cute. Like if she were about to face death and he was the only guy for miles and miles. He wore faded jeans and a black T-shirt. His bronze hair shot off in all directions and was decorated with grass clippings.

"I hid the scissors, bro," Emmett called out. "I wasn't born yesterday."

"Mom!" Edward shouted. "Cut me free."

His mother tilted her head and smiled through what Holly assumed were happy tears. "I'm so glad you decided to come."

"I didn't!"

"Nevertheless." She hugged him and he relaxed into her embrace. "I'm glad you're here, whatever the reason."

"I was abducted." She released him.

"Nonsense. It's just Emmett being Emmett."

"Like when he robbed the bank I worked at?" Edward struggled against his ties.

Bella snapped her attention to Edward, hearing the words "robbed" and "bank" being used in the same sentence.

"He did no such thing, Edward Masen Cullen," his mother said, wagging her finger at him.

Jasper plopped down in a chair next to the dining room table. "It's not like we actually robbed the vault, Ed. It was just a prank."

"We even used toy guns," Emmett added, like that could hardly be deemed criminal behavior.

"What have you gotten yourself into?" Bella asked Alice.

"C'mon bro, you can't still be angry about it," Emmett said. Turning to Bella, he added, "It was fun though."

"For you maybe but I'm the one who lost his job!" Edward stopped all talk by stomping his foot.

Sensing another dispute building up, his mother yelled, "Let's eat!"

* * *

"Good ham, Mom," Edward said. He'd missed his family, although that was a bit like missing being shot at with a nail gun loaded full of flaming, poison-tipped nails.

His mother patted his hands, which were still bound. Somehow Bella made eating while shackled look easy. Graceful, even. He hovered with his face close to the plate and shoveled food, sometimes missing. Edward avoided looking directly into her eyes because of the frosty glare he found there. He guessed it lowered the room temperature at least two degrees and yet looking at her caused his forehead to sweat like a drop of Tabasco to the tongue.

"Pass the bread, please," Edward said. Emmett launched a roll across the table, hitting him squarely in the head. "Thanks." He gave up trying to butter the roll, resorting instead to biting a chunk unbuttered.

It was just the six of them at the table. Esme, Emmett, he himself, Bella, Jasper and his new-found girlfriend Alice.

Alice. What a piece of work she was. He glanced between the two sisters. She was nothing like Bella. Hot for sure, but without Bella's intense passion.

His mother noticed his gaze. "You two make a cute couple," she said, staring directly at him and Bella.

"A couple of victims," he muttered. "I told you over and over I didn't want to meet her."

Emmett prepared to launch another bread bomb at his head, but Bella said, "I got this," and tossed half a glass of water in his face.

Emmett completed the scene by wadding up the towel and throwing it across the table at Edward. It bounced off his head.

Alice giggled. His mom shook her head in her boys-will-be-boys way.

As the dinner finished, Jasper wiped his mouth on a paper towel and turned to Edward, "Your turn to do dishes."

"How do you figure?"

"It's been your turn for eighteen months." Emmett retorted back.

Not wanting to deal with another of their fights, Bella quickly intervened, ""I'll help you,"

"You're a guest," Alice protested.

"I am a hostage!"

Bella cleared the table while Edward scraped the harvest gold plates he recalled from his childhood into the trash. They were the promotional kind you bought at the grocery store one piece at a time over the course of eight or ten weeks. Same holiday decorations too, including the silver artificial tree in the same corner of the living room. Being home was like stepping into a time machine.

"I'm sorry about all this," Edward said.

"All what?"

"Being…you know…kidnapped for Christmas."

"Did you kidnap me?" Her tone sounded so harsh coming from one of Santa's finest.

"No."

Holding a steak knife menacingly in her hand, she asked, "Then what are you sorry about?" There was an unspoken "choose your words carefully" that he heard loud and clear.

"Okay, I'm sorry I kissed you," he said quietly. "Well, not sorry I kissed you, but you know what I mean."

With a sneer on her face, she said, "You knew."

"No." He rinsed a plate under the spray of the faucet and plopped it in the dishwasher. "I had a sneaking suspicion that no matter what the circumstances, I was headed for a beating and I wanted a kiss. So sue me. I mean…look at you. Damn. Could that elf costume get any tighter?"

"I'm not an elf," Bella objected. "I'm Mrs. Claus."

"You look like an elf," Edward muttered.

"Do not!"

"Whatever. Santa has excellent taste in hotties," he said under his breath.

She snapped her head toward him. "You think I'm hot?"

Edward sputtered and stammered and generally felt his face heat up. "Yeah."

She came closer with the knife. "Hold out your hands."

He did as she asked, a little afraid Bella might drive a dull steak knife through his hand, but instead she attempted to saw through his zip ties.

"How did you end up in this family?" she asked.

"My theory? I was switched at birth."

Bella stopped sawing and gasped. "Me too."

"There's no other explanation!"

Her eyes slowly crept along his face. "But you resemble them too closely. Those eyes. Your lips. That dimple." She lightly touched her index finger to the dimple on his chin. "Those guns," she said, complete with squeezing his biceps.

"Muscles are not hereditary," he protested.

"Let's go, brother!" Jasper shouted as he walked into the room.

Bella tossed the knife into the soapy dishwater before managing to completely cut through Edward's ties. But he could see they were weakened.

"Where to?" she whispered. A spark of concern flashed in her eyes, like Jasper and Alice might make her marry him.

"I'm not going anywhere with you guys," Edward said. Holly watched as he worked at the ties, trying to break them at the weak spot she'd created with the knife. Another minute and she would've had him free. When his bulging muscles apparently failed to work, he tried the edge of the kitchen counter, to no avail.

"Oh yes you will, or you'll pay the price," Emmett replied, entering the kitchen.

His mother chuckled from the living room where she sat watching television. "You boys and your antics."

"Where to?" she asked Alice.

"Volterra."

"Volterra?"

"The joint of wealth, wisdom or knowledge," Emmett clarified. "Depends on what you seek. You will find it at Volterra."

Scoffing, Edward muttered, "At the bottom of a bottle. Emmett just seeks a good buzz. At least, that's all he's ever gotten at Volterra besides a hangover."

"And love," Alice said, her eyes smoky with desire. "That's where he found me." Jasper and Alice melted together like chocolate chips in a double boiler on medium high. _Where's a fire extinguisher when you need one?_

"A bar?" Bella asked. "On Christmas Eve? I'm not dressed for socializing." She jingled the bells attached to her curly toed elf shoes as evidence.

"You'd fit right in," Edward assured her with an approving head-to-toe assessment. She couldn't tell if that was a compliment or an insult.

Alice unfolded herself from Jasper to grab Bella's wrists and pulled her along down the hall. "We'll get you dolled up."

"No," Bella protested. "I don't want to go out looking like this." _I don't want to go out at all._

"We're not done having fun," Alice said.

"We haven't even started having fun," Bella replied through gritted teeth.

Alice rolled Bella's hair on a curling iron the size of a Hula-Hoop, painted her face to hide her multitude of flaws, and then stuffed her size-seven feet into size six-and-a-half black hooker boots. Looking in the mirror, she realized she looked like Santa's little whore.

While swiping some mascara on her own lashes, Alice asked, "You like him, right?"

"Who? Jasper?"

"Not Jasper. Edward. He's cute. Told you so. Didn't I?"

Bella shrugged. "I guess, but he's not worth being kidnapped for.".

"If you'd agreed to meet him, you wouldn't have gone and gotten yourself kidnapped." Alice blinked her luscious lashes at her.

Bella scoffed. "Well, yes, put that way, I can see it was entirely my own fault."

"That's all I'm saying, Bella."

"I'm not going," she heard Edward protest loudly, possibly even in some sort of headlock. "You can't make me."

Alice maneuvered Bella out of the bathroom and centered her in the living room, waved her hands like Bella was the prize behind door number two on a daytime game show and said, "Ta da."

Edward fixed his focus on Bella and said, "Okay, I'll go."

* * *

Nothing much had changed at Volterra, aside from the Christmas décor of tacky tinsel garlands lopped around anything that would secure them. Bottles. Coat hooks. Beer signs. Santa Baby played from the jukebox. Alice sashayed over to the source of the music and dropped a couple coins in the slot. The few people at the bar groaned. One guy slapped his palm to his forehead.

"Dance with me, Jazz." Alice was already swaying on the empty space in the center of the room that was not now, nor had it ever been, a dance floor. Dancing was frowned upon at Volterra. No good had ever come from it.

When Jasper didn't agree, Alice grabbed Bella, pulling her to center stage, a place Edward figured she wasn't comfortable with. Bella stood there bobbing her head while Alice danced suggestively around her. Jasper shook his head. Edward laughed, but only on the inside. He didn't need to be in any additional trouble with Bella. She'd already caught him admiring her shapely thighs in the car on the way to Volterra.

Edward took a seat at the bar and Jasper plopped down next to him. The bartender brought them each a beer on tap without asking.

"What's with the zip ties?" she asked with a cigarette dangling from her lips.

Jasper laughed.

Edward knew it would do no good to ask the bartender to call 9-1-1, so he displayed a weak smile, latched on to his beer with both hands and took a drink before replying, "Prank."

Swiveling around to watch the girls dance, he said to Jasper, "Cute gal. You did good."

"I'm going to marry that girl if I gotta duct tape her mouth closed to stop her protests."

"The way she was hanging off you, I doubt it'll come to that." They deserved each other. Alice knew Jasper's family was out of their mind. She apparently sanctioned the kidnapping of close relatives. She didn't seem to have a lot of common sense. It was a match made in hell.

The music transitioned into something slow and sultry. "Excuse me." He pushed away from the barstool to where Bella stood fairly motionless. "May I have this dance?"

Alice giggled away. Bella sneered her disdain for him, but eventually sighed and shrugged. He lifted his hands over his head so she could crawl in closer. He dropped his arms around her body. She looped hers around his neck with minimal shifting and squeezing. They moved very little. She appeared to be reading the wall art of beer posters.

"I'm not the enemy," he pointed out. "I'm sorry about earlier, but we need to work together to get out of this." Edward looked straight down her shirt, since she was busy ignoring him.

"Stop looking down my shirt."

"Maybe if we act like we're in love they'll let us go," he suggested. Even if they didn't let them go, he might get to second base. That would make it a very happy holiday indeed.

"I'd rather die."

"Well, me too. I'd sooner kiss that barfly in the corner booth." He bobbed his head toward the intended barfly.

Bella smiled sweetly up at him, making him instantly suspicious. Her eyes took on a smoky quality of sex personified. She zoomed in. Ryan closed his eyes and braced himself for a kiss. Instead she clamped down on his earlobe with her teeth, ending with a twist and what sounded somewhat like a growl.

"Ow!" he howled, involuntarily pulling her closer against his body.

"Is that why you have a hard-on?" she asked. "Because you're hot for the barfly in the corner booth?"

"I do not," he protested but gave up soon, instead pulling her closer to him. Her scent drowning out the smell of stale beer was a bonus. His thigh brushed back and forth between her legs as they swayed to the jukebox tune. "Things could be worse," he pointed out.

"How?"

Edward shrugged. "Alice could have snatched you for my cousin Jacob instead."

"Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe."

He couldn't help but chuckle at her blatant attempt to insult him. "He doesn't kiss as well as me."

Her brows drew together. "How would you know?"

"Oh you know," he said just as the door suddenly burst open and an explosion of cold air filled the room. No Neck Newton stalked over to the bar, slamming his fist on the bar. "Beer!" he boomed, his eyes never leaving Bella and her skimpy dress for even one second.

"Uh oh," Edward said under his breath.

No Neck's real name was Mike or something equally usual. Because of some tragedy of youth, Mike developed into a bully in high school. From the looks of him, nothing had changed.

"I'll fight you for 'er," he shouted across the bar to Edward.

"Huh?"

"What?" Bella went rigid in his arms.

Emmett jumped off his barstool and puffed out his chest like a gorilla. He probably hadn't been in a good old-fashioned bar brawl all week

"Take it outside," the bartender demanded.

"Call the cops," Edward replied.

"Don't want the cops here," she said. "Looks bad for us."

Edward had an idea. A plan. "I'll fight you, Newton," he said, "but first, someone cut me loose."

Bella clamped down on his neck like a vice. "You'll do no such thing."

"Don't worry, sweetheart, we Cullens don't fight fair." He winked at her.

"Don't call me sweetheart."

"Fight, fight, fight," someone yelled and everyone else began chanting the chorus. Alice squealed with delight that men were fighting over her sister, which Edward suspected was a sure sign of desirability in Lydia's dating playbook.

The only good news—Emmettt pulled out a pocketknife and cut Edward loose. "Don't worry, bro, I got your back."

Edward glanced at Bella and rubbed his sore wrists. The only thing stopping him from sprinting away from this scene was her. Sure, Emmett would happily fight Mike for her honor, but he didn't stand a chance. Although he did deserve a thrashing.

Mike pointed at her, grabbed his crotch and said, "Today is your lucky day, honey."

"Ew!" She began clicking her heels like she was Dorothy and they were in Oz. No such luck. "I am not a possession for you cavemen to fight over."

"My pleasure," Mike said.

They all filed outside.

* * *

Bella watched Edward doing some pre-bar-fight stretches in the cold alley as big, white flakes began falling from the night sky. He danced around on the balls of his feet, his hands up, guarding his symmetrical face. Hopefully his face would stay as God intended. It was a nice face.

"Ready?" Mike asked.

Edward cleared his throat. "Ready."

"Wait!" Alice shouted. "Let me give you each a kiss for luck."

She sauntered over toward them in their imaginary boxing ring. Bella pinched her thigh, hoping she'd wake up from this nightmare. _Nope._ "Stop!" She held her hand up. "In the interest of saving time and the fact that you kissing each fighter for good luck is redundant, I'll kiss Edward."

"Okey-dokey."

Bella clasped her hands to his cheeks. "Are you insane?"

"A little," he admitted. "I am a Cullen."

She touched her lips to his in a tender, concise kiss. "Don't lose." Bella wasn't entirely clear on what might happen if he did lose. They weren't living in the middle ages. The guy couldn't actually win her in a fight. _Could he?_

"Don't let me lose," he said.

"Hey!" Mike protested. "That's my property."

"In your dreams," Bella taunted him.

Alice clamped her hand down on the back of Mike's neck. "Ready." She drew her knee up slowly. "Set." She plunged the heel of her spiked boot down hard on his foot. "Go."

Mike howled, hopping around on one foot. While he was incapacitated, Edward kicked him in the groin. More howling. Edward raised his arms in victory, but Mike must also have had an extremely great pain efficiency, because he threw an upper cut to Edward's jaw, sending him crashing to the ground. Edward shook his head back and forth as the small crowd cheered and jeered.

"Stay down!" Bella clamped her bound hands over her mouth to keep from yelling or crying further.

Mike motioned for Edward to get off the ground so he could pummel him again. While he waited, he cracked his knuckles.

Slowly, Edward staggered to his feet, still hunched over. He threw himself full-force at Mike, taking his opponent by surprise. Off balance for only a second, Mike jabbed him in the eye with his fist. Edward kicked him in the knee, sending him falling into the crowd. Jasper extended a helping hand to Mike, only to clutch his head instead of his hand. Like a bear being hit with a BB pellet, Mike Newton only got angrier.

Without thinking, Bella jumped on his back, looping her zip-tied hands around his throat. He twirled her around one direction, and then the other, trying to be rid of her. She dug her spike heels into his thighs.

"I give up," he finally said. "She's yours. I don't want her.

* * *

Edward grabbed Bella around the waist, lifting her off the ape-man. He spun her around before setting her down. She staggered and laughed from dizziness. While he had her at a disadvantage, Edward pulled her close and kissed her hard. Everyone clapped and whistled except Mike, who limped away in defeat.

When they broke apart, she asked, "What was that for?"

"I won you, right?"

She laughed. "You cheated."

The crowd broke up, some folks patting him on the back before going back to their Christmas Eve business. Emmett fished his pocketknife out of his pocket and tossed it through the air to Edward, who caught it. "Hey, Bella. You fight like a Cullen."

Jasper slung his arm around Alice and followed everyone else back into the bar.

Once alone, Edward pointed out, "You helped me cheat." He cut her free.

"That's because you didn't stand a chance."

He snaked his hand around her waist. "Do I now?"

"What?"

"Have a chance." Without waiting for an answer, Edward dove in for a kiss. She parted her lips, giving him her answer. With his hands finally free, he kneaded and caressed her form. "Bella?" he said against her lips.

"Yes?" she replied breathlessly.

"I know my family is crazy and a little bit trailer park, but…"

Bella scoffed. "You met my sister, right?"

"I'm forever in her debt for having me abducted and forcing me to be held hostage with you in order for us to realize we're good together." Edward grinned. "Will you go out with me sometime?"

She bit at her lip. "But that would make my sister right."

"That is the downside," he said. Neither Emmett nor Alice would ever let them forget it. It might actually encourage them to abduct others for the sake of matchmaking.

She looked into his eyes. "New Year's Eve is right around the corner."

"Sounds good, but I don't want to wait that long," he admitted.

"What did you have in mind?"

He pecked at her lips. "Christmas dinner."

"We just had Christmas dinner."

"That was Christmas Eve dinner. Emmett fries a mean Butterball in boiling oil out in the backyard. Sometimes nothing catches on fire. And if it does, sometimes we put it out before we resort to calling the fire department."

"That sounds like fun." She cuddled closer.

"It will definitely be hard to forget."

Suppressing a smile, she said, "That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

_**THE END**_

I'd really appreciate a comment...or maybe even two ;)

Special Thanks to Morgan... for coming up with the title of the story. You rock!


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